We all have those evenings when we get home so exhausted that taking off the pair of sweaty socks from our feet is a chore too hard to accomplish! After all, “hii nyumba hakuna mtu ananisaidia kulipa rent”… so you choose to stink up your bedsitter, and suck it all up! FYI, everyone lives in a bedsitter!… Sue me if you don’t always sit on your bed every now and again! In fact, those sitting rooms which you hardly spend an hour in would earn you quite a few coins if you’d sublet them! But us guyz of IG would not want to choma picha… would we?!

Lying there, innocently sniffing down my manliness, someone chooses to disturb my peace! Don’t we all have that one brat of a sister who always wants a favour? Men are hard-coded to fall for every woishe that comes our way, so, long story short, my family’s pet person… AKA last born, needs to be taken to campus… as fate would have it, she’s gotten admission to the same campus  I was in! Isn’t karma such a darling?!

Aki si utanifanyia shopping Izzo? Alafu, unaeza nitumia dough kidogo nibuy clads?

It is at this point that I knew my goose was slowly cooking! First, she ambushes me with an appointment as her designated chauffeur, then she softly indicates that she’ll fleece my hard earned cash while at it…  Enyewe malipo ni hapa hapa duniani! It is occasions like this that grown men tend to refuse to adult…

Fanya hivi, nitumie shopping list yako, alafu unishow unatravel when nimake arrangements...”

This was my genius idea… to have ‘a list’, forward it to our parents, and have part of the costs shared or at least mostly catered for… juu enyewe hii ilikua ambush!

My folks replied to my forwarded list by ‘ni sawa‘… We all know that you can never get money from your parents if you are working in Nairobi. Nairobi is supposedly the it when it comes to money!!! I had but only one route to take… face it like a man, shoulder the costs… alafu nililie kwa choo baadae.

A flashback to ‘our days’; by this time I would have chapad hustle for like one and a half years, and saved a few chumz for Timberland boots  and jeans. That lag between high school and campus was a good hardening period. The kids of today will never know! This usually was the make-or-break period in our years as you’d have so much time in your hands. If you weren’t signed up to a ‘computer college’ or a driving school or a church youth group, you’d likely get caught up in lifestyles your parent’s would kill you for!

Handing the MVP trophy at the 2016 Wazee – Vijana Festival at Egerton University.

Looking back at our ‘pet’… straight out of high school, and diving right into the deep end of Egerton university, with the naivety of a fly towards the luring aroma of a honey-laced fly trap… I was in utter trauma! No kidding! Knowing some of the things that go down in the campus ‘fraternities’… I actually wished I would take her through a crush program on 1000 ways to know a lying boyfriend… but then again, I could only do so much in such a short time!

Dress her up, win her heart: How to gain a girl’s confidence

I picked up whatever pieces of confidence I had left, and told her to hop into my neighbor’s car… A few turns around Nairobi, through Gikosh, Garrissa lodge, Mutindwa and Ngara and we had a wardrobe make-over fit for America’s Next Top Model!

After living with her for a few months(every sister goes to the elder brothers house after high school whether she is welcome or not), I had learnt the art of cracking the code to her heart, and winning her confidence. This was the time to implement the lessons to teach her another lesson. During our ride back home, I shared a few of my fun moments in campo, and how we used to live on a very tight budget. I assured her that  she’d never lack… and that i’d always be a phone call away, hata kama anataka kiberiti! You wouldn’t want your little sister knocking on her next door neighbor’s hostel door at 9pm, looking for matches now, would you? That’s where and how it all starts… well, skuizi kuna tinder, but I know you get the picture!
After a few minutes of ‘boring’ pep-talk in the car, I switched on to the juicy ones of my escapades in Njokerio, and nights at Kilimo hall. She was more interested in those kinds of stories… so I went on… But not forgetting to put a warning here and there.

“By the way, sasa how do guys rave in Eger? Naskia ati kuclub lazima uende mpaka Nakuru?” She interjected.

Well, all things held constant, there’s no party better than a campus house party! So in our books, we never quite needed to go ‘clubbing’ to have fun. But we, nonetheless, occasionally did make trips to Nax. There was always the Quencher’s Den, or Q-Dee as it was known – a dingy keg den that was the initiation center for virtually all freshmen and women. We also used to have a ‘Diana’s’ pub next to the campus gate… but this was least preferred – as the long, cold and treacherous walk back to the hostels was hardly ever desirable; especially when intoxicated. “But wewe hukunywangi, so hizi shida sidhani utazipata.” I told to always be in control of all her actions and decisions… I was ‘Mr. Egerton’, I knew what I was talking about!

The long walk to the gallows: Reporting day

I’ve never understood why Kenyan universities prefer to have reporting days on Fridays. Kids get a whole weekend to guess what is supposed to happen in campus… and you can hand it to young boys and girls with an ounce more of testosterone and oestrogen running in there blood to be creative enough about the opening weekend! Driving up the ‘Keep left‘ hill towards Kilimo hall, it finally dawned on me that our ‘pet’ had come of age… she was leaving the nest and now had the hard task of learning to fly on her own. Saddest feeling ever for a big brother.

While finding a hostel for her, I didn’t notice there was this other dude zooming in on her… until she pointed him out. “Izzo, cheki ule jamaa vile ananiangalia, kwani niko na skuma kwa meno?” Right there and then, I knew the predators had already singled her out… Karma is indeed a female dog, and it couldn’t wait till I left… but her instincts were good! I ‘trained’ her well… I was ‘kind enough’ to ensure she’d be accommodated in ‘Mama Ngina‘ hostel… In my days, this was one of the few bunks with a strict curfew for non-residents. Having done that, the rest was just to cross my fingers and hope she makes it through the first semester in one piece.

This experience got me thinking of the many skeletons in my closet during my time in campus… I’ll probably tell you about them in time… Don’t we just miss those days…